Avoidance Behavior #2: The Truth Bomber: When Brutal Honesty Masks a Fear of Vulnerability

My grandma, God rest her soul, had a name for people who prided themselves in saying things that made others gasp in shock or surprise- ball busters. That sounds pretty crass, so for today's blog we'll go with Truth Bomber instead. In today’s culture, “dropping truth bombs” is often celebrated as boldness, authenticity, or even leadership. But beneath the surface of this aggressive honesty lies a deeper avoidance pattern—one that shields the heart from vulnerability, intimacy, and true transformation.

This is the Truth Bomber: the woman who prides herself on being brutally honest, unfiltered, and “just telling it like it is.” She may seem confident, even intimidating. But her sharp edges often conceal a tender wound—one that says, "If I soften, you might hurt me."

The Psychology Behind the Armor

Carl Jung wrote one of my favorite quotes, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." The Truth Bomber’s behavior is often driven by unconscious fear- fear of rejection, fear of being misunderstood, fear of appearing weak. Her “truth bombs” are not acts of courage, but of control via dominance.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), avoidance behaviors are coping mechanisms that help individuals escape uncomfortable emotions or situations (APA Dictionary of Psychology, 2023). In this case, the discomfort could be silence, fear of being misunderstood, appearing weak, etc.; all of which trace back to vulnerability. By weaponizing honesty, the Truth Bomber avoids the risk of being emotionally exposed. And if you listen closely, those "shocking" statements are often laced with defensiveness.

But here’s the paradox: true intimacy requires softness. And true healing requires surrender.

Scripture and the Spirit of Truth

Scripture reminds us that truth is not meant to wound- it is meant to set us free. “Speak the truth in love,” Paul writes in Ephesians 4:15. The Greek word for love here is agape- the sacrificial, healing type of love that seeks the good of the other.

Jesus Himself modeled truth with tenderness. He confronted sin, yes—but always with an invitation to restoration. The woman at the well (John 4), the woman caught in adultery (John 8), even Peter after his denial (John 21)- each encounter was marked by truth wrapped in mercy. One might rebut by pointing out that He was not so tender when he called out the Pharisees or when He turned tables in the temple, but that's a righteous anger which is very different from the avoidance behavior I am talking about. Jesus never shied away from discomfort in truth telling when its purpose was good and helpful- sometimes there has to be passion behind a truth claim in order to fulfill the purpose of sharing it. But the purpose of Truth Bombing behavior is to get attention, or more specifically to direct attention to the mask of toughness in order to preserve the vulnerability of the woman under the mask.

The Truth Bomber often lacks balance and self-control. Her words may be accurate, but they are not always edifying. I have seen this come out in myself from time to time when I blurt out something in anger that I know is true and will hit the recipient where it hurts or give me the "upper hand," but the reality is it's a defense strategy and it not a helpful method of truth sharing. In the pursuit of “being real,” some of us may unknowingly (or sometimes knowingly) push others away.

Catechism and the Virtue of Charity

The Catechism of the Catholic Church offers profound insight here on the value of maintaining the truth charitably. Paragraph 2468 states:

“Truth as uprightness in human action and speech is called truthfulness, sincerity, or candor. Truth or truthfulness is the virtue which consists in showing oneself true in deeds and truthful in words, and in guarding against duplicity, dissimulation, and hypocrisy.”

But it also warns against cruelty disguised as honesty. Paragraph 2478 reminds us:

“To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor's thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way.”

In other words, truth must be tempered by charity. The Truth Bomber's avoidance of vulnerability leads her to speak without discernment, often violating the dignity of others- and her own.

Healing the Woman Within

If you recognize this pattern in yourself or someone you love, take heart. Like many behaviors, this one is not a fixed identity- it’s a coping mechanism. And like all defenses, it can be softened through grace, self-awareness, and intentional healing. Actually, I would posit that a woman who falls into this pattern is more prepared for change than many others because of that tendency toward radical honesty she has- it just needs to be directed inward instead of outward.

I invite you to try the following:

• Practice reflective silence before speaking. Ask: “Is this truth necessary? Is it kind? Is it mine to say?” This is a good time to state a simple prayer..."Jesus, give me the right words."

• Journal the fear beneath the fire. What am I afraid will happen if I’m soft? If I’m misunderstood? If I’m seen? If you find yourself enjoying the attention that "telling it like it is" brings you, perhaps ask yourself, "What part of myself is asking to be seen and how can I acknowledge her?"

• Pray for the grace of gentleness. The Holy Spirit’s fruit includes kindness, patience, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23).

• Seek spiritual direction or coaching. Vulnerability is a skill—and it can be learned in safe, sacred spaces.

  
  

Final Thoughts

The Truth Bomber may look strong, but true strength is found in humility. In the words of St. Francis de Sales: “Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.”

Let us be women who always speak truth in love. Let us dismantle the armor of avoidance and step into the healing power of vulnerability. For it is in our weakness that His strength is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9).