Avoidance Behaviors Part 1: Confessions of a Workaholic

✍️ Confessions of a Workaholic

I don’t struggle to rest. I struggle to enjoy rest. Actually, I struggle to feel joy a large part of the time. Fun feels like a luxury I haven’t earned. Even when I’m physically still, my mind is scanning for unfinished tasks, unresolved obligations, or ways to “get ahead.” Many times I have lied to myself and said this is pure ambition, but reaching the point of burnout (see last week's blog) taught me better: workaholism is emotional avoidance.

🧠 The Psychology of Overwork: Avoidance in Disguise

Psychologist Carl Jung believed that compulsive behaviors often mask deeper psychological conflicts between the true self and the shadow self, a side of us our subconscious mind created as a coping strategy to guard against trauma, typically in childhood (similar to repressed memories). Workaholism, in this view, isn’t just a habit—it’s a defense mechanism. It allows us to avoid uncomfortable emotions, unresolved trauma, the existential discomfort of stillness, and/or the guilt and shame of feeling joy you don't feel you deserve.

Modern research supports this. Workaholism has been linked to emotional avoidance, perfectionism, and identity fusion with productivity (Clark et al., 2016; Andreassen et al., 2018). This means working not just to achieve, but to escape.

Similarly, “Workaholism may function as a coping strategy to avoid negative affect and maintain self-worth.” (Clark, Smith, & Haynes, 2016, p. 89). Translation: we work to try and become worthy of praise, joy, rest, etc. by pursuit of some unknown and invisible standard we've set somewhere deep inside ourselves.

This resonates deeply with my experience. I don't just chase goals—I run from guilt, from the fear of being “lazy,” from the discomfort of joy that felt unearned. Where the guilt comes from is different for everyone and can sometimes have multiple sources. Perhaps it's from your childhood, perhaps it's stay-at-home-mom guilt over not earning an income.

🧩 Jung’s Shadow and the Inner Critic

Jung’s concept of the shadow—the parts of ourselves we repress—helps explain why rest can feel so threatening. If we’ve internalized beliefs that equate worth with output, then play, pleasure, and rest become suspect. The “inner critic,” which I personally believe is particularly vulnerable to the whispers of the Enemy, says: You haven’t done enough. You don’t deserve this. And it might sound counterintuitive, but these whispers are sometimes the minds way of guarding us. For example, if you had an overly critical father, your child self may have found it easier to join him in criticism rather than face the idea that your father was wrong. Or perhaps being critical of yourself before anyone else can be makes you feel in control of the criticism; you can get ahead of the game in the places where you may be "lacking."

Jung taught that healing comes through integration. We must bring the shadow into the light—not by working harder, but by listening to what our compulsions are trying to protect us from. Not so we can get distracted by or hyper focused on our emotions, but so we can become master over them. From a Christian perspective, bringing the hidden parts of ourselves is Biblical; Mark 4:22 says, "For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open." Inviting Jesus to lead the way as we explore every part of ourselves and asking HIM to be the leader in it is a profoundly intimate way to pursue radical self-acceptance and growth.

📖 Scripture and the Sacredness of Rest

Back to the avoidance behavior of workaholism and why it's important to address. This isn’t just psychology—it’s theology. Scripture doesn’t glorify hustle. It honors rhythm.

• “By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested.” (Genesis 2:2)

• “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves.” (Psalm 127:2)

• “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22)

Even Jesus stepped away from the crowds to rest (Mark 6:31) and participated in celebrating the wedding at Cana. Joy isn’t a reward for productivity—it’s a reflection of divine design.

💬 Coaching Insight: Reclaiming Joy Without Permission

In my experience, I have seen this pattern often: high-achievers who can’t relax until the checklist is complete. But the truth is, the list never ends. And joy delayed is joy denied.

Here’s what I’m learning—and what I invite you to consider:

• Joy is not a transaction. You don’t have to earn it.

• Rest is productive. It restores clarity, creativity, and connection.

• Play reveals the soul. It reconnects us to the divine child within—the part Jung saw as essential to wholeness.

I’m learning to let joy in, even when the inbox isn’t empty. Because the work will always be there. But the moments of delight? They’re fleeting. And they matter. I am learning to face the feelings I avoid and accept that God has not called me to live a life of guilt and shame; He delights in giving me good things, so surely, He delights in watching me enjoy those good things. We can rest and enjoy even the smallest treasures not because we earned them, but because we have a God who sees our hearts and wants to lavish us with grace. He is not measuring our worth by our productivity, but by our presence with Him. So I’m learning to pause, to breathe, to laugh at the silly things and savor the quiet ones. I’m learning that joy is not a reward—it’s a reflection of trust. And in trusting Him, I find freedom to live fully, even in the midst of unfinished tasks and imperfect days.

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📚 References

• Andreassen, C. S., Griffiths, M. D., Hetland, J., & Pallesen, S. (2018). Workaholism and mental health: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 7(4), 879–891. Development of a work addiction scale - ANDREASSEN - 2012 - Scandinavian Journal of Psychology - Wiley Online Library

• Clark, M. A., Smith, R. W., & Haynes, N. J. (2020). The Multidimensional Workaholism Scale: Linking the conceptualization and measurement of workaholism. Journal of Applied Psychology, 105(11), 1281–1307. https://doi.org/10.1037/apl0000484

• Jung, C. G. (1959). Aion: Researches into the phenomenology of the self. Princeton University Press.